Enough To Feel Obligated
by zeldas.lullaby
Summary: A backstory to the relationship between Joel and Tess. The two start off as a smuggling duo, but things get a little more personal. JoelxTess. From Joel's POV.
1. Chapter 1

Before Boston, I never knew what it was like to live like that, like the animals I'd used to see back in Texas. I remember them when I'd visit my uncle's farm as a kid. He'd herd them all into little pens, all the pigs and chickens and whatever else he had, and I swear there was never a moment of quiet for miles because of it.

When my uncle'd let me hold a bit of animal feed over the pens, all the loud little things would come over as they tried to get to it before each other. There'd always be one or two poor saps who didn't make it in time; maybe they were too busy wallowing in mud or checking their feathers. Maybe they just weren't so lucky.

I heard the word "luck" thrown around a lot those days, especially when some guy was talking about me. And I guess there is some truth to it. How the hell Tommy and I made it all the way to Boston, how I even managed to keep myself walking after everything, you could say luck had something do with it. I can't argue with that. But there were so many times…so many god damn times…where everything "lucky" that happened to me just made life harder.

It was like you just _had_ to go on, 'cause all those Infected in the forest didn't see you, and you actually made it to the rescue plane right before the swarm set in. All those lucky moments made me keep moving, but a part of me was still stuck in Texas for so long that I thought I'd never really get it back. Hell, maybe I've just forced myself to forget it ever existed, and that part of me, that part of Joel, is still in Austin with her.

But even if that Joel was there, most of me went with Tommy to Boston. If I could do anything at all, it was help my baby brother. It wasn't the time to give up…I remember almost turning my gun on myself after Tommy found us back in Texas, and I was holding her little limp body so close, begging and crying, but after I looked up and saw that fear in Tommy's eyes I knew I had to go. I needed to fight for something, and for the longest time since then, it was Tommy.

So when we finally made it to the quarantine zone, after months of fighting for our lives to get there, I tried to make due with what we had. I did some small carpenter work with Tommy for a while, and the military gave us enough ration tickets so we wouldn't starve, but things were strained between us after that journey.

I remember when I left the house that one day, just as I was making my way out the door, I looked over and saw Tommy sleeping on the couch, tossing around like he was turning infected. He didn't sleep good anymore; wasn't as optimistic as he once was neither. But who could've been after what we'd seen.

Leaving the house that morning and seeing him like that made me start thinking about that "luck" crap again. You know, if it really was worth it or not, like I hadn't thought of that before. I pushed the thought out of my mind as I slammed the door shut behind me and made my way to the center of town. It was Ration's Day, and I didn't want to wait long in that damn line.

"Everyone, please remain in a single file line between the barriers. Cutting is prohibited. Saving spots is prohibited."

The soldier's voice came along with the sound of static through his megaphone; you could barely hear him over the sound of the that crowd. I looked at my watch. It was noon now, and I'd only been waiting maybe an hour or so.

"Single file!" The soldier shouted again as the crowd kept being the furthest thing from a single file line.

"Good luck with that," I muttered under my breath, feeling a moment of relief as I saw the people in front of me start moving again. I'd finally reached the ration stations; three booths where people could turn in their tickets. Inching my way forward, I got behind one of the booths where a woman was pleading to a very embarrassed looking tender.

"You have to take these, sir, please, they've only expired just last month-"

I could hear in her voice that the waterworks had just turned on. The guy at the counter kept going helplessly as his face turned red like a beet.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but these tickets aren't good anymore. My boss will kill me if he finds out…I just can't…"

As the exchange went on, I looked down at the woman's legs, noticing the eyes of two skinny looking children staring up at me. They were clutching for dear life onto their mama's dress, damn near dead expressions on their tiny faces. I started looking around at the other booths as I tried to avoid their desperate gazes.

That's when I noticed her in the first booth; a woman with dark brown hair. I can't really say much else about my first impression because her looks weren't exactly what caught my attention. I watched dumbfounded as she kept pulling 'em out of her pockets; ticket after ticket, 10 of them, maybe more. The tender didn't even look the least bit surprised; actually seemed like he knew her.

When the woman finally got all her supplies sorted out, she easily picked up what looked like bags that weighed a ton and started on her way. The problem was the way out was in my direction, and I definitely didn't stop eyeballing her quick enough for her to not notice. As she pushed through the crowd of people, she stopped for a second when she got to me.

"Why don't you keep your eyes to yourself, big guy," She said without giving me a glance. If I hadn't been paying attention I might have missed it. Just as soon as she spoke, I felt her wedge her way past me with a little too much force for my liking, then she was gone. Lost in the rest of the herd forever, or so I'd hoped.

"Mom! Mom, look!"

The exclamations of the kids in front of me brought me back to what I was doing. Their mama was still there, crying it up for the ration man while simultaneously trying to calm down the little rascals. She pat their heads without turning to look back at them.

"Mom's busy, sweetie, please-"

"But _look!_ "

She finally gave in, turning her worn, tear stained face to look down at her kids. Suddenly, her eyes widened and her mouth went ajar.

"Where did you…"

I turned my attention to the oldest kid, a boy maybe 10 years old. He was holding a can of what looked like beans or vegetables or whatever else they gave out as rations those days, while his little brother grasped a bottle of antibiotics, trying his very hardest to unscrew the child-proof cap.

"This lady dropped them right here!" The oldest boy exclaimed, gesturing towards the ground beside his feet. It was a small haul, no doubt, but the woman started getting teary-eyed again.

"Wow" was the only word she could muster. Wow was right. I knew it wasn't no happy accident that medicine and food showed up at her boy's feet. That dark-haired woman…what was her deal anyway, I remember thinking.

The soldier's exasperated voice came over that megaphone again. He could barely finish what he was saying before the crowd started rioting, parts of his announcement being cut off by the crowd's racket.

"Everyone please remain c-there were some difficulties getting the new rations here-a few more hours-you will get yours!"

The soldier looked over at his other comrades desperately as the people got louder and louder. They gestured for him to press the button on the megaphone, and he did, emitting a loud siren that still couldn't pale in comparison with the mob's angry shouts. Someone's shoe came lobbing out of the horde and hit the megaphone soldier straight in the jaw. It was going to be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

When I got our rations, the moon was high in the sky. I was glad I ended up bringing a jacket; something told me it wasn't gonna be a quick and easy day. It rarely ever was in those parts. Ration tickets were getting harder to find, supplies were coming in slower, and the poorer folks in the QZ were starting to wait through cold nights to get their meals.

So I finally was headed home with a couple cans of foods and some matches; it was something like 1 in the morning. Tommy was probably hungry, I thought. He told me had some sort of business to do that day, so I didn't bring him along. Wouldn't have done him any good to come anyway.

Right when the thought of Tommy came to mind, I rounded a corner and froze. I never saw people down this alley, but yet two of them were there, talking to each other in hushed voices by a dumpster.

I got the feeling they didn't want anyone intruding. I quickly backed up against the corner, hoping they didn't get a chance to see me. By then I'd gotten used to sneaking around, after everything Tommy and I went through those months after the outbreak.

"What are you trying to say?"

The raised voice of one of the alley-dwellers caught me off guard, just as I was about to go find another route. It was a woman's voice…one that was strangely familiar. It was followed by the voice of a very nervous sounding man.

"Listen, Tess, these tickets aren't easy to get a hold of…there's been some problems getting the shipments through-"

"Walter. Me and you? We had a deal. And you're not gonna get out of this one."

I heard the shuffling of feet around the corner. Sounded like someone was backing up, scared. By then I was starting to get a feeling about who that woman's voice was. I couldn't forget that attitude, and the whole thing about the ration tickets…

"Okay, okay! Listen, you don't have to do this…I'll get you your ration tickets. I'm just sayin' maybe you should start asking for something a little easier."

Tess scoffed.

"Maybe you should give me easier jobs then."

In the end, I'm pretty sure she got her ration tickets. Tess didn't seem like the type who'd let someone go without getting what she wanted. Funny how I knew that already.

I waited for a bit after this, thinking about the conversation I just heard. I knew it was some underground business this Tess person was a part of, and it seemed to do pretty well for her. All those ration tickets…I thought to myself how Tommy and I would never starve if we had so much.

I was definitely curious, but a part of me knew this wasn't something I should get involved in…whatever "this" was. Suddenly anxious to start making my way home, I turned to find another alley that'd take me back, one where I wouldn't overhear some sort of secret business deal.

I'd only taken a few steps before I heard her.

"Don't move."

I felt something hard press against my back. It didn't take the smartest guy to know what it was. Or to figure out that I was in some deep shit.

"Now you're gonna tell me what you heard, or else this is gonna end real quick."

I looked over my shoulder at her. I'd never had a woman glare at me the way she did.

"Listen, I didn't hear a damn thing-"

"Oh yeah? You think I didn't see you before?"

Tess pressed the gun closer to me.

"You better start talking."

I let out a frustrated sigh. There was no point in trying now.

"Something about ration tickets. And a deal. That's it. You gonna put that gun down now?"

"Not until I know you're not some sort of NARC, or one of those other guys trying to steal my shit," She said cooly. "I saw you looking at me in the rations line. Who do you work for?"

"I'm just a carpenter, ma'am," I said uneasily. I was starting to feel like I wouldn't get out of this one. "And the only reason I was lookin' was because of all those ration tickets you had. Hell, I'm lucky if I got enough food for a damn week. You looked like you got enough to feed the city."

There was a moment of silence as Tess seemed to be running this through her mind, then I felt the pressure get off my back. I let out a sigh of relief.

"Thanks."

"Yeah," Tess said, her tone a little lighter than it was before. "Don't mention it."

There was a slight pause between us, as if we both wanted to say something else. Finally, she spoke again.

"You know, this whole rations thing, it's…sort of what I do. I take jobs. I get tickets for it. It's not easy work but…it gets me by."

There was another pause. I still hadn't turned around, wasn't really sure why. When a woman pulls a gun on you, I guess it's hard to know what to do next. Tess took my silence as listening and kept on going.

"You seem like the desperate type. If you weren't, you would've just kept on walking."

This revelation rubbed me the wrong way. It gave me an excuse to turn around and face her head on.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

Tess smirked. I got to thinking she liked annoying the crap out of me.

"Don't take that the wrong way, big guy. Just hear me out for a second."

Giving in, I crossed my arms and waited. When she saw I was giving her my undivided attention, she took a deep breath and kept going.

"So, you need ration tickets," She said, clasping her hands together like she was saying something real official. "It just so happens I can get you some, maybe even more than that. If you help me out."

I looked over her for a moment, unamused.

"You think I'm gonna help someone out after they almost _shoot me_?"

Tess started doing that smirk of hers again and shrugged her shoulders.

"Like I said, you seem desperate."

She held her hand out for me to shake it. I looked down at it, then back at her, keeping the same ticked off look on my face.

Noticing I wasn't giving in, she pulled her hand back and slapped it on her knee. "Alright…so I guess I'm not convincing you right now. How about you give it some time and tell me tomorrow?"

I squinted my eyes at her. She wasn't letting up, and I felt like saying no wasn't really an option. Not after she let me go without a bullet in my back.

"Town square," I said with as much firmness as I could muster. "Come there at noon. I wanna hear why you need my help so damn bad, then I'll let you know how I'm feelin'."

Tess backed up and threw her arms up in the air in mock celebration.

"See, that's all I was asking for. You hear me out, and we see where this goes."

"Good. I'm leaving."

I turned and started walking away, feeling worn out after all of that. There was nothing I wanted more than to get home.

I felt like there was one more thing I needed to make sure of though, and I stopped and called to Tess over my shoulder.

"No guns, alright? If I see that you're packin', I'm leaving."

She gave me that smug little look again and nodded once.

"You've got it!" Tess called to my back as I kept on walking. "What's your name again?"

"It's Joel."

"Yeah? You've got it, Joel."

Walking home, all I could think about was if I made the right choice or not. She knew me now - the woman who carries a pistol and does her deals in the dark.


End file.
